December 29th, 2009 by Dawn Becker

My cousin Casey changed his life over 6 years ago when he decided to leave his hometown of Vancouver for the bigger and better things that the Tdot could offer him. Six years ago my life changed too when I decided to get divorced. The timing couldn’t have been worse or better for Casey to come. He had nowhere to go so he stayed with me in the chaos of our family house that was falling apart, before my ex and I physically separated homes. The tension inside the house could have been cut with a chainsaw and with full knowledge of this, Casey came and stayed anyway.

It was a difficult time and Casey was a pillar for me. Before this, the last time I really remember Casey he was a 5-year old brat that I hadn’t seen since. So we made fresh bonds and super quick. Julian and Cole were very very little and the burden of my difficult decision was made easier having Casey there to eat, drink and laugh with. And that we did. In fact, we haven’t stopped.

When I was a kid, I tried so hard to fit in, in hopes that people would forget that I was Chinese. I was determined to be Canadian even though I looked different, because I am Canadian. I never saw my world through Chinese eyes and I have once or twice put “NO” on job applications that asked if I was a visible minority. After all those years of hiding in my westernized skin, I didn’t feel like a minority.

As I’ve mentioned, growing up Chinese in Vancouver, you don’t feel different since our “look” is the majority at least in the neighbourhoods we lived in and frequented. Toronto is more visibly multicultural and back then we were definitely minorities, especially in the suburbs where our family could afford to settle. I lost what it meant to be Asian out of self-preservation or survival needs.

Now that those days are gone, I’ve had to struggle to stay connected with my Asian roots, without a guide. Casey opened the doors because he was frankly more Chinese than I was – and my mother will never let me forget that, however incapable she was of bridging that gap for me, but that’s another story.

As Casey explored the amazing cultural treasures that our great city had to offer, I followed him. He introduced me to travelers from abroad, some Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Mexican, and more. It was a time of wonderful exploration for me as well and I started to embrace my culture and see how unique my experience was by being both Chinese and Canadian.

Casey and I have been lucky enough to travel together to Tokyo (pictured above in 2005) and New York twice, both intense eating destinations. He is constantly amazing me with his unique perspective on life. He was there when I had the emotional task of tossing my little sister’s ashes at Centre Island, opening the box of ashes when I couldn’t bear to do it myself. He has been there for my children stepping in to be the most important male figure on this side of our family. They think of him as their friend rather than mine. In English, Casey is technically my cousin, but in Chinese terms, he is really my brother. And I couldn’t be happier for that.